Showing posts with label london. Show all posts

AM I THAT MUCH HAPPIER LIVING IN LONDON?

Sunday, 20 September 2020

I've thought, for a long time, to write a piece that comes from deep in my heart in hopes to reach someone out there who's feeling the exact same as me and know they're not alone. Since, the past few months or so, I've found comfort in watching Instagram stories and videos of people who seem to be in the same stage in their life as I am or they are in a better stage in their life where I aspire to achieve some day.

When lockdown started, it really deteriorated my mental health. I live alone and I decided to stay in London just so I could keep my personal space. I got that alright. 3 months of personal space. I was on furlough for those months and cycled a lot to the parks nearby and took the longest walks just so I could break up my day between morning and evening. Fast forward a further 3 months and my headspace is completely fucked up where I can't physically go back to those places without spiralling into a pit of anxiety ridden emotions. Being alone for that amount of time without human contact is terrifying, you come out of the other side a different person. I think that applies for everyone, it made us all stop and think and it forces ourselves to listen to our body.

When I was studying in Kent, I longed to live in London. I believed it was what my soul craved. It was the lifestyle I wanted. Everything happened there, there was so much to do. All. The. Time. Since Kent is only an hour away, I used to travel into London with friends for day trips turned memorable nights out and missing the last train home and I always thought, wow is this just a snapshot of the life I'm missing out on?

It's been a year since I moved. I grew up in a big city anyway and for me, it was only natural to move to a bigger and "better" city with page after page of job opportunities. I often question if I'm actually happy living in London. Maybe it's the numerous other factors that are affecting how I feel about this busy city like going from living with 5 other people to living by myself. It's a drastic change and definitely not the norm in London.

Post- lockdown I realised a huge part of why I sometimes feel lonely is that London is actually so big that there are events happening at any given time, anywhere. I wouldn't give a second thought travelling 50 mins from one side of London to the other but time is distorted when the destination is a city outside of London, the physical distance plays a huge part.

You get a real sense of FOMO on social media. It had a huge impact on me wanting to make the most of every day, I wanted to do something constantly. I didn't realise this until I went back home to Manchester last month that it felt ok to just stay at home and do nothing because there wasn't much going on in the city, whereas when in London, I constantly see people "living their best life" socialising with their masses of friends somewhere in arms reach. In a way, I'd romanticised the lifestyle of after work drinks, picnics in parks, drunk nights on primrose hill and swimming in the ponds.

If you follow me on Instagram, you'd probably think I'm already living this lifestyle and I guess I am, I'm guilty also of showing only the highlights of my life, but as humans we always want more. I love London. I love everything it offers. I have a love hate relationship with this neurotic city.

A WEEK IN OUTFITS

Tuesday, 14 July 2020

dress, zara

blazer, zara/ cycling shorts, zara

HOW I'M SELF ISOLATING ALONE

Wednesday, 18 March 2020

My "working from home" has quite frankly come to a halt. There is only so much I can do with the limited resources I have when thrown into this self-isolating-working-from-home situation on a Sunday evening by Whatsapp. I've never worked from home before and I'm certainly not used to no human contact for more than a few hours. The only way I can describe how this feels is to compare this to that intense revision period before summer exams at uni. You know, those intense 2 weeks of cramming?

I live by myself so I don't have anyone to talk to and when there's not much to do, I resort to going on social media just like everyone else. People are using their platform to tell others to self isolate and rightfully so but I can't help but notice the majority of these people are the same people who are surrounded by their partners, friends and family. They're the ones preaching about how important it is to self isolate while still parading their social lives indoors. It's one thing staying inside with other people but it's a complete different story for those staying indoors by themselves. It's extremely lonely. I rely on being outside, being surrounded by people, even if they are just strangers, to boost my mood. I rely on human connection. That's not to say I can't be with myself, I'm not uncomfortable being in present with myself but I'm saying I need a healthy balance of both and when one of these is stripped away, my mental health starts to take a toll. Without the human connection, I fall further into the pits of self isolation, so deep that it gets quite difficult to pull myself out of. I often need a helping hand.

With no end date in sight of how long this is going to last, I've drafted up some ideas of what I'm planning to do during this period and what I need to do stay positive in this awfully difficult time.

1. Minimalise social media screen time
Minimalise and reduce dramatically. I'm still on my laptop all day and I've a tendency to look at social media every so often throughout the day to know that there IS civilisation out there. It's taking a toll on my mental health as I'm watching the Instagram stories of people I follow sharing their self isolation time surrounded by people and it creates a toxic cloud over my head as I reflect on why no-one is around me?

2. List clothes on Ebay
I'm always putting new items up on my Depop (you can have a browse here) but never on Ebay, I always found it time consuming to put it on Ebay whereas it was just SO easy to upload via Depop. Increase the chances of making more money eh?

3. Watch credit card videos
There's been a negative energy surrounding credit creds since the dawn of time and I too was caught up in the bad rep of credit cards (refer Confessions of a Shopaholic). This year I've made a vow to myself to get a credit card and to get my finances in order. It was made apparent to me that I'm spending money regardless for no benefit when I can spend that exact money and get rewarded?! Not everyone is best suited for a credit card and it's up to you to do your own research.

4. Do a Chloe Ting workout
YouTube has recently suggested me a workout video by Chloe Ting and up until now I had never heard of her but it seems like I'm late to the at home workout bandwagon as anyone who has ever worked out at home has heard of her. What better way to try working out at home than now for days I don't go to the gym?

5. Go for a walk
I'm lucky enough to live very close to some well known parks in London and I have an array to choose from within walking distance that requires zero use of public transport. There is no reason to not go for a walk in a park for fresh air as long as you're aware of social distancing.

6. Watch films
Pretty obvious but they help to transport you to another world forgetting the current existence of this one. Even if temporary, it does help to pass the time.

Hat, GANNI*/ coat, ASOS*/ shoes, ASOS

REFLECTING AFTER CHRISTMAS

Sunday, 29 December 2019

What a whirlwind this year has been. I don't even know what day of the week it is anymore but post- Christmas, who does? After Christmas is usually just a waiting period until work starts. It's like getting ready early and then you don't know what to do with yourself.

I came back to London a couple of days ago after spending the most delightful Christmas at home with the best company. My Aunt and Grandma visited from Hong Kong and my boyfriend, George, who also came to see the puddles of Manchester. As with every household, a lot of food was consumed, Monopoly was played (and won by me) and films were watched. Attempted to watch that knight film* Vanessa Hudgens is in but 20 mins in, we called it quits. It was SO very bad I couldn't keep watching without hurting my eyes and ears for that matter!

I've been away from my phone the majority of the past two weeks while I was away in Amsterdam and Manchester. Life got the better of me and I just wasn't in the mood to share any pictures like I usually would. On some days, a lot was happening behind the scenes and sharing the highlight reel was the opposite of what I felt like doing when it was far from how I felt. Aside from those moments, my Christmas holiday has never felt merrier especially with so many people in the house at one time. I spent less time online while I was in Amsterdam and more time learning about the world. Literally. There was an international card game in the flat we were staying at so we spent 2 nights out of 3 quizzing each other on the countries of the world. It was nice to slow down at home too, living in London you forget how to walk slow and feel peace when commuting. I took George to the MOSI, I hadn't been in a long time and boy did it bring up flashbacks of my weekend trips to the museum. We both got giddy learning (me re- learning) about the cotton mill industry which is one of the aspects Manchester is known for. Took a detour afterwards past Revs (if you know you know), towards HOME. All while George was singing Wonderwall and shouting:

"woo liam gallagher"

"I love oasis"

"when do we get to meet liam"

*The film was The Knight before Christmas