AM I THAT MUCH HAPPIER LIVING IN LONDON?
I've thought, for a long time, to write a piece that comes from deep in my heart in hopes to reach someone out there who's feeling the exact same as me and know they're not alone. Since, the past few months or so, I've found comfort in watching Instagram stories and videos of people who seem to be in the same stage in their life as I am or they are in a better stage in their life where I aspire to achieve some day.
When lockdown started, it really deteriorated my mental health. I live alone and I decided to stay in London just so I could keep my personal space. I got that alright. 3 months of personal space. I was on furlough for those months and cycled a lot to the parks nearby and took the longest walks just so I could break up my day between morning and evening. Fast forward a further 3 months and my headspace is completely fucked up where I can't physically go back to those places without spiralling into a pit of anxiety ridden emotions. Being alone for that amount of time without human contact is terrifying, you come out of the other side a different person. I think that applies for everyone, it made us all stop and think and it forces ourselves to listen to our body.
It's been a year since I moved. I grew up in a big city anyway and for me, it was only natural to move to a bigger and "better" city with page after page of job opportunities. I often question if I'm actually happy living in London. Maybe it's the numerous other factors that are affecting how I feel about this busy city like going from living with 5 other people to living by myself. It's a drastic change and definitely not the norm in London.
You get a real sense of FOMO on social media. It had a huge impact on me wanting to make the most of every day, I wanted to do something constantly. I didn't realise this until I went back home to Manchester last month that it felt ok to just stay at home and do nothing because there wasn't much going on in the city, whereas when in London, I constantly see people "living their best life" socialising with their masses of friends somewhere in arms reach. In a way, I'd romanticised the lifestyle of after work drinks, picnics in parks, drunk nights on primrose hill and swimming in the ponds.
If you follow me on Instagram, you'd probably think I'm already living this lifestyle and I guess I am, I'm guilty also of showing only the highlights of my life, but as humans we always want more. I love London. I love everything it offers. I have a love hate relationship with this neurotic city.
ALL ABOUT MY NAILS
An ode to years and years of practise with eyeliner has blessed me with a steady hand to paint my nails! It's not just something pretty to look at as it's also a self care mechanism I've developed over the past few months. I find it so soothing putting on a TV show in the background (currently Brooklyn nine-nine) whilst doing my nails. I have a whole board on Pinterest dedicated to inspiration that you can follow here if you wish. I do love going to the salon to get shellac but always find it tedious when it's time to remove them and sometimes I just want funky designs without paying £££ you know?
When I do my own nails I use normal nail varnish, they generally last the amount of time I keep them on for before removing the varnish, which is about a week and a half, since I get bored easily of the same design.
